The General Election writing work keeps coming thick and fast, although, if I am honest, I am about as enamoured with the whole campaign as the rest of the British populace (i.e. ‘not very’).
Of course, a lack of any enthusiasm for any of the candidates (it’s like voting for which member of the firing squad is going to pull the trigger) means that it is easy to be sarcastic, condescending and generally cynical about the whole affair. Not that this is reflected in the articles I am writing, of course….
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Tuesday 13 April – Fire Up The Power Station
There’s an episode of the brilliant BBC drama Doctor Who in which the Cybermen launch an attack on the world using Battersea Power Station as their base. In much the same way, a room full of identical clones (this time wearing ‘We Are All In This Together’ T-shirts) launched their bid for power today from the exact same venue.
Yes, DaveCam launched the Tory manifesto today with the bizarre line ‘Fire up the power station!’ – a reference (we think) to DaveCam’s new favourite TV show, Ashes to Ashes. Either that, or the pressure is getting to him.
The BBC called the hardback Conservative manifesto “a brave departure from the manifesto norm or a bit dotty, depending on your point of view”. Richard Hughes from the popular band Keane also felt compelled to state his non-Conservative views after their song Everybody’s Changing was used to soundtrack the manifesto launch.
Whilst DaveCam and his Conservative team banged on about ‘change’ for what seemed like eight months, the worst line of the day award went to Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg who, when asked about the manifesto, retorted, “They’ve just launched it in a power station that doesn’t have any power!”
Kill me. Now.
Monday 12 April – Corrupt Octopus
We all know that politicians are all searching for a great soundbite and a great headline in a General Election campaign, but a claim from the UKIP leader this week looks particularly apocalyptic in its tone.
Lord Pearson, the leader of the UK Independence Party has said David Cameron winning a working majority in the election ‘is certainly the end of this country’.
Blimey. That’s a bit of a worry, isn’t it? Perhaps we should sit up and take notice. I didn’t read that in the Conservative manifesto….
Lord Pearson continued: “After five more years of integration into the corrupt octopus that is Brussels, we won’t just be enmeshed in its tentacles, as we are now, we will be in its bowels.”
Apparently, it is because the Conservative leader has ruled out a referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union for five years.
So, reading between the lines, what UKIP is saying is that either:
a) The UK will be fully integrated in the EU, no doubt in a giant country called Europa like some sort of real-life game of Risk, or
b) the UK is going to be eaten by a giant octopus.
Not ideal choices, I think you’ll agree. If they are the two possible outcomes under DaveCam, perhaps we should review our voting intentions….?
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Nick Parkhouse is a professional writer. He provides articles, copy, press releases and books and marketing material to a range of local and international clients. He also specialises in sports writing for a number of international sports companies as well finance, property, politics and cinema writing.
